Every night I look up quotes on the internet; and every night I save quotes to the note pad on my phone. I usually save anywhere from three to five quotes a night. These quotes remind me of someone that can't give me a chance because either; A) His past keeps holding him back or; B) He just isn't interested anymore. Either way I lose. Sometimes I think that being a girl is so difficult. I mean we have all these feelings that we get and we can't control them and sometimes we just want them to go away. And guys; well I mean guys get feelings and could live their entire lives not expressing them at all.
Ya know, I've written on this blog a lot about being in love and getting my heart broken. I've cried numerous times before, during, and after writing posts on here. Love isn't an easy thing. People get hurt every single day and it never gets any easier. When someone gets hurt, it ruins a part of them. It makes them doubt themselves and their future relationships. It makes people scared to fall in love again. It makes people wonder if love is even real. I've written before that I'm not sure if I know what love is, but I'm sure that I will find someone to show me what it is. That is true. I think that I've seen what love can be, but I've never had the real thing. My past is not love. The older I get, the more I realize that.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
That is what love is all about. If you have been hurt in the past; Forget It. Move On. Be Free. Your past does nothing but hold you back from an amazing future. It holds you back from so many opportunities. If you find someone that makes you feel wonderful and keeps a smile on your face, go after them. Don't hold yourself back. Don't let your past ruin something that could be so incredible, because if you give the present a chance, you might just see what you've been missing out on and you might just fall madly in love with it.
From personal experience; it took me almost 8 months to let my past go, but when I finally did, I couldn't have been happier. But now; I'm stuck trying to convince someone to let go of their past just so that I can get the chance with them that I have always wanted. Now that I'm sitting here writing this, I've realized how selfish I've really been. I know how hard it was to move on, but here I am trying to get someone to let go and you can't force someone to do that; they have to do that on their own. It's so hard though; every time we're together I just feel this crazy connection. He is the first guy I've never pushed away and he's the first guy I've ever fully trusted from the start. We've never had the chance to be together and now that we finally do, it's like, I don't know.. I can't really explain it. Not that we can't be together, just that we both want to date for keeps and even if I think he is something so amazing and I've got so many crazy feelings for him... he just, maybe he just doesn't think of me the same way and I think that that's the reason why we're not together. Of course I wouldn't know any different, because he never tells me how he feels except for; "I'm not ready for a relationship because of blah blah blah." --- just the same bringing up the past kinda stuff. I don't want to give up though. I feel like if I give up, then I'm giving up on him and I'm giving up on something that could be so wonderful. No matter what though, he will always be such an amazing friend because I can tell him anything and I know that he will be there and I know that he won't judge me. That's what good friends do.
"Always pray and never give up." Luke 18:1
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